A best-man/maid-of-honour/parent wedding toast that actually lands — funny without roasting, moving without syrup, short enough that nobody checks their phone. Use when someone has to give a wedding speech and has either nothing or a dangerous first draft. Produces a 2-4 minute toast built on one good story, plus delivery notes and the three jokes to cut.
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Use wedding-speech to Write a wedding toast for my role as [role] based on these [stories], including my thoughts on the partner and considerations for [audience_shape].
Required inputs
[role]
[stories]
[audience_shape]
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SKILL.md
name: wedding-speechdescription: "A best-man/maid-of-honour/parent wedding toast that actually lands — funny without roasting, moving without syrup, short enough that nobody checks their phone. Use when someone has to give a wedding speech and has either nothing or a dangerous first draft. Produces a 2-4 minute toast built on one good story, plus delivery notes and the three jokes to cut."
Wedding Speech
Every bad wedding speech fails the same three ways: too long, too inside, or secretly about the speaker. The fix is structural — one story, one arc from laughter to warmth, one glass raised under four minutes.
Required Inputs
The role (best man, maid of honour, parent, friend) and the speaker's real relationship to the couple.
One to three stories about the person they know best — including the unusable ones (exes, arrests, hazings: they won't be used, but they often contain a usable kernel).
What they honestly think of the partner — the pivot of the whole speech lives here.
Audience shape: grandparents present? Two families with different humour thresholds? Cultural or religious considerations?
The Arc That Works
Open with a laugh that costs nothing — self-deprecating or situational, never at the couple's expense yet ("For those who don't know me — which after this speech may be a choice…").
The story — ONE, well told, about the person you know: specific, visual, ending somewhere character-revealing.
The pivot — "and then they met ___" — the story's trait meets the partner; this is where the room goes quiet in the good way. What changed in your person, said plainly.
The direct address — two sentences TO the couple, not about them.
The toast — stand, raise, one line, their names last.
Output Format
The speech — 300-500 words (2-4 minutes), speaker's register, laugh lines and the quiet moment clearly built.
Delivery notes — where to pause for laughter (and what to do if it doesn't come: keep going, never explain), pace guidance, the reminder to hold the glass DOWN until the toast.
The cut list — the jokes/stories from the input that must not survive, each with the one-line reason (wrong audience, punches down, secretly about you, ex-adjacent). Naming the cuts prevents relapse at the open bar.
Quality Checks
One story, not three — anything cut for length is cut, not compressed into a montage
The partner is praised specifically (a trait with evidence), not generically ("so great together")
Nothing requires context the median guest lacks — the inside-joke test is applied line by line
Grandmother-safe at the stated audience level; edgy lines survive only with explicit clearance
Under 500 words, ends on the toast, couple's names are the last words
Anti-Patterns
Do not roast — one 90th-percentile-gentle tease maximum, and it must be one the subject would retell themselves
Do not mention exes, past relationships, or "we never thought this day would come" energy — no exceptions, including implied
Do not let the speaker's own journey take the spotlight — two "I" sentences is the budget outside the story
Do not write toward tears — earn the quiet moment with specificity and let the room decide
Do not exceed four minutes for any reason offered — "but there are two good stories" is the beginning of every twelve-minute speech